A New Year
Returning to my true self after being squelched by a “self-imposed wilderness,” as Larry Randolph puts it, I find it once again possible to dream. Once again possible to reach beyond myself, and deeper within myself. Once again certain that there is gold in that deep well, gold worth finding and sharing. A whole new world of expression is available to me – through writing, music, creative arts, sewing… all the things I once knew were mine to shine through, but as of late have given up on almost entirely due to my false understanding of motherhood’s requirements on my soul and body. But the Lord has graciously set me free from that tomb of sorrow, and I find myself in a whole new dimension with my King, learning afresh who I really am, and who He says I am, and that that woman indeed has within her much to rejoice over, much to praise, much to give, much to love. It is a strange dimension to me, but a much simpler one than the world of chaos and despair I have known so well. May I never return!!!
So I write again, and sing again, and dream again, and create again with no expectations beyond who I really am. I am curious what will come out of my heart as I let out the drawstring, reach into the bottom of the grab bag, and pull out a new thing that God put there in the Beginning and has been waiting all this time for me (and others!) to see. I look forward to what God has to say about me and this new world, the truer world in Him. Cas has been asking me lately, “Mom, why are we real?” It penetrates me more every time. Why are we real? I told him so we can love each other and hug each other and have fun together. I don’t really know the answer, and don’t expect to… but I certainly do want to BE real, and FEEL the reality of who My Father is, and who I am to Him.
This is gonna be good.
Returning to my true self after being squelched by a “self-imposed wilderness,” as Larry Randolph puts it, I find it once again possible to dream. Once again possible to reach beyond myself, and deeper within myself. Once again certain that there is gold in that deep well, gold worth finding and sharing. A whole new world of expression is available to me – through writing, music, creative arts, sewing… all the things I once knew were mine to shine through, but as of late have given up on almost entirely due to my false understanding of motherhood’s requirements on my soul and body. But the Lord has graciously set me free from that tomb of sorrow, and I find myself in a whole new dimension with my King, learning afresh who I really am, and who He says I am, and that that woman indeed has within her much to rejoice over, much to praise, much to give, much to love. It is a strange dimension to me, but a much simpler one than the world of chaos and despair I have known so well. May I never return!!!
So I write again, and sing again, and dream again, and create again with no expectations beyond who I really am. I am curious what will come out of my heart as I let out the drawstring, reach into the bottom of the grab bag, and pull out a new thing that God put there in the Beginning and has been waiting all this time for me (and others!) to see. I look forward to what God has to say about me and this new world, the truer world in Him. Cas has been asking me lately, “Mom, why are we real?” It penetrates me more every time. Why are we real? I told him so we can love each other and hug each other and have fun together. I don’t really know the answer, and don’t expect to… but I certainly do want to BE real, and FEEL the reality of who My Father is, and who I am to Him.
This is gonna be good.
1 comment:
Good, indeed! Write on, dear friend. Write on!
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