House-Cleaning and More Company

I am trying to think of myself as a writer again. I just came across the tip of all tips: write 20 minutes a day. I had forgotten about that. As I try to put words in order more often, my muscles are starting to take shape again, slowly. I will purposely aim for steadily.

I still have a list of things to write that the Lord is showing me, but they are not yet fully formed in my heart... not enough, anyway. A little more time in the hopper will be good for all parties.

Tonight's dinner guest is an assistant to one of the President's cabinet members. I did not know this until last night when I finally got to ask my sister about this DC friend of hers visiting our lovely town this week. Upon receiving such news - how funny is this per the last post - I thought, oh my gosh, I've got to clean my house top to bottom!!! Now, at the end of the day she is just a girl my age with a job and brown hair and a big purse and hopes and fears like me. I know this. But I still feel honored to have her in my home! 

So maybe I am not completely over the house-cleaning equals company thing. But now that I am searching my heart about this, I still feel different than I used to... and even this afternoon when I was cleaning, I actually enjoyed it for once. I didn't feel pressured to make it look clean so that it would pass her inspection. I wasn't even doing it to pass my inspection if I was a guest walking into my own house, expecting perfection. OK, maybe a little bit, but not much of that was my motivation. My angle was more of an honoring, preparing my home to receive her. Which definitely has its place - I want to make an effort for my guests to feel treated, comfortable and valued.

This has something to do with my sozo last month, I'm sure... let me think...

The issue was doing everything perfectly, or to the absolute best of my ability (and anything short of that I am a completely miserable failure.) I had a memory of my 2nd grade classroom where I was struggling with an advanced math assignment and realized it was hard... maybe too hard... and what if I didn't do it right? What if I went back to the non-advanced class? What if I got everything wrong? What would my teacher and classmates and parents think of me? Certainly they would think less of me.

But Jesus was there and I saw that was not true - no one would think less of me. They would not think one way or the other. And my parents loved me no matter how smart I proved myself to be. It was only a math paper. It was only a class. It was only a grade. I didn't HAVE to do it. Even then I knew that if I worked really hard, I had the ABILITY to make the grades, so there I was struggling to make it happen. But just because I COULD didn't mean I HAD to suffer through all the stress and labor of making the grade. The truth is that no accomplishment or grade or excellent thing I have to show for myself stands a candle to the treasure of Jesus. He gave me a treasure in that classroom, right then and there. The pressure on my shoulders was lifted. I was not alone anymore. My expectations of myself were replaced by Jesus' companionship and love. Honestly, He doesn't even expect the best from me. He doesn't expect me to do everything 100% and try to do everything I have the mental (or physical or whatever) ability to tackle. Actually I don't think He expects much at all from me, except to love and be loved, to receive His love and treasure it. Which is how he created our hearts to function in the first place. So there is nothing HARD about that!!!!! Awesome!!!!!!

So that has spilled over into house-cleaning because... now I don't feel the pressure to make people think I can do the hardest or best thing. I don't have to look like I have it all together. Now, I do love my home and want to make it beautiful, and respect my home and my husband and my babies crawling around on the floor reaching for every hazard possible. But when I vacuumed under my furniture today, I wasn't doing it because I was afraid sweet DC exec would see the dust. I wasn't even doing it because it had been driving me crazy for three months. I did it because... well, I had the vacuum going and my back didn't hurt too badly, and because a house needs a good clean every few months.  :)  It felt good.